I met with a nice fellow who had moved down the age continuum quite a ways. He told me a story about when he was in the army, out on a two week training maneuver. The weather was terrible, the conditions were awful, and everyone was miserable almost all of the time. They would cut down a tree and light up the stump to try and stay warm, to no avail. They slept off and on, but mostly off and usually wet. One day, when he was waiting in the chow line, he kept hearing the cook whistle and then sing a variety of tunes and songs. When he got up to the head of the line, the cook smiled and handed him what passed for food. My new friend passed back a few choice words and expressions and then asked the cook how on earth he could be so happy. The cook smiled and said simply that he figured it took about the same amount of energy to be miserable as it did to be happy and he’d just as soon be happy than miserable. The words from 60 years ago have stuck with my friend and he was happy to pass them on to me. I wish I had met him a few years ago. It is so simple.
Have you written a letter to your grandchild?
Nice people stop by my office to take care of their estate planning. Recently, a client shared a letter with me. It was a letter to his grandson. He wanted it delivered after he died, along with a check from the sale of his house.
“Dear Ben:
I want you to know how much you have meant to me. When I first held you in my arms, you were 2 days old. I couldn’t believe you were my grandson. What a miracle. As the years passed by, I always cherished our time together. Remember our first Mariner game? You were eight and we sat right up close. Between the pop, two hotdogs and I’m not sure what else, we had such a great time together. I always appreciated that as you grew older, you still took time to attend a Mariner game or two with me each spring. It meant a lot to me, especially when I knew you had a lot of other things to do and people (girls) to see. I don’t think I ever said thanks, but then I don’t think it would have sounded right; we were just spending time together. When your grandmother died a few years ago, those baseball games meant even more.
I was very proud of you when you stayed on the soccer team the year your dad died, and I still remember the year you won the team inspirational award. You inspired me. When you graduated from high school and then again, from college, I wanted to tell you that you were my hero. You were. Now, you are married and you have three kids, and what a terrific husband and father you are. If your dad were still around, I know he’d be so happy with the way you have turned out. You are receiving a check with this letter. I wish it could be more, but the check is not important. Just remember how much I love you and that I am your biggest fan. I’ll be rooting for you wherever it is I have gone. Love, your grandpa.”
This letter made me think. If I were Ben, I think I would feel better about the words than the dollars. How about you? Have you written a letter to your grandchild? What would you say?
Before you send that check to a charity, do a little checking.
This is the time to be jolly and enjoy the upcoming holidays. And, this is the time when we write those end of the year checks to charities. Before you do, check your charity out a little, perhaps on www.charitynavigator.org (for large charities) or maybe by looking over their most recent IRS Form 990 (http://foundationcenter.org/findfunders/990finder/). Try to figure out how much of your donation might actually be used in charitable work. How much is paid to the executive director?
Here in Washington State, you may also check out a charity at the website for the Charities Program: http://www.sos.wa.gov/charities/DatabaseSearch.aspx For example, if you check out the Greater Tacoma Community Foundation, this site tells us that “…this organization devoted 76% of its total expenses to program services…” for the period ending June 30, 2010. By contrast, the Seattle Foundation “…devoted 93% of its total expenses to program services…” in the most recent reporting period. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the Tacoma group is not as efficient, but, armed with the information, you can ask questions and explore more to determine where you might want to send your check. The number for Mary Bridge Children’s Foundation is 81%. The number for Tacoma Goodwill Industries is 92%. For the Tacoma Rescue Mission, the number is 86%. If you look up the Emergency Food Network, you’ll see that their number is 98%. FISH Food Banks of Pierce County also comes in at 98%. Again, you want to do more homework on this and not rely exclusively on these particular numbers. Have a look at the IRS Form 990 to see all of the details on what is paid out and to whom, and ask questions. You want to be an informed donor. Now, don’t forget to send those checks out before the end of the year.
Read it before you sign it- duh?
I’ll say right up front. Most of us will not heed the most basic, simple, preventive legal advice possible. Before you sign a legal document, read it. Ok, ok, I know – who has time? Why worry so much? Who understands it?
A lot of the calls I have taken on the radio over the years had to do with callers not taking the time to read what was stuck in front of them by the salesperson. Ready to join the fitness club, sign here. You want the car, sign here. Sign here. Sign here. Feel good right now. Pay for it later, in so many legal ways.
When you are in with the finance manager, ready to drive away in that new car, I want you to take a deep breath, make a joke about lawyers if you must, and then read what they are asking you to sign. If you don’t understand something, then make the dealership explain the words in plain English so that you can understand what you are agreeing to. I recall doing just that one time when I was about to lease a car. The finance manager had no clue what he was putting in front of me, except that you sign it and then you get to drive away. Don’t let them get away with this.
You are out looking for a house to buy. Don’t wait until you find that perfect house to discuss the purchase and sale agreement. When you get started looking, simply ask the real estate agent for blank copies of the purchase and sale agreement and all of the supplemental documents that he or she will be asking you to sign. Take them home, get out the highlighter, and read every word of the documents. Highlight portions, make notes and then ask the agent to explain the agreement and answer all of your questions about the meaning of all of the clauses. The purchase of a home is still the biggest purchase of your lifetime. Read it and ask questions. Now, when you find the perfect house, you will be ready to sign immediately and you’ll know what you are getting yourself into.
We can save ourselves so much legal grief, if we will just read what we are signing, before we sign.
When will someone “pull the plug” on your life?
If you haven’t done a living will, your loved ones will have to guess about your wishes if you are ever in a vegetative state or terminal condition with absolutely no hope of recovery. Your loved ones will have a very difficult time, may argue with each other, and then feel guilty about their decision. In the worst of circumstances, a Judge may have to decide your fate. Remember the Terry Schiavo case out of Florida?
Here is a link to a free Washington State Living Will: http://washingtonlawhelp.org/documents/1543019501EN.pdf?stateabbrev=/wa/
You have no excuse for not doing a Living Will.
Now that you have your living will in place, sit down and write a letter to your loved ones to tell them what is important to you if you are in a terminal condition. Give them some guidance.
Let us know your thoughts on end of life issues and leave your comments for others to read.
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